Over half of couples seeking a divorce still have kids living at home. Some parents don’t realize when they file for a divorce the damage and effect that it will have on their children. Divorce hurts children no matter what their circumstance is. Parents start fighting in front of the kids over who did what and how stupid they were for getting married in the first place. Then they go to court to hear the judge make the decision of who gets what from their divorce. But the hardest part of the divorce for children, I think, is seeing their parents fighting over who gets custody of them.
Firstly, during the divorce the parents are really determined to find out who did what. They try to shift the blame on each other for whatever the other parent did to cause their family to break-up. Whatever reason, the parent tries to give an explanation of why they are divorcing the other parent. They do this by getting the children involved in their arguments about the divorce. They make the children angry because of the hurtful words that they say to each other in front of them. They get so mad at their parents for causing all of their pain; they no longer want to be with them. I had a similar situation that I went through about 20-years ago. I, too, got a divorce. I would be the one always trying to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts. Our children loved both of us very much that they really didn’t know how to react. I would try to make excuses for him when he didn’t show up on visitation day; however, when he did come to pick them up ,he would say hurtful things to them about me. It was hard on my kids and to this day is still hard for them to accept. As of today their real father chose not to be in their lives because of the divorce. They do have a great stepfather, who is always there for them, but it doesn’t replace the hurt of what their real father did to them. So when you are thinking about getting a divorce, think about all the effects that it will have not only to you but your children as well. How bad or how well children deal with the divorce depends on how the situation is handled.
Secondly, they go to court so the judge can decide which parent gets what in the divorce proceedings. When the kids see parents divide their belongings they sometimes feel abandon by the other parent; especially, if that parent has to move away to another city. They might have to move out of the very same house they grew-up in, so the custodial parent can support all of them. All the children can probably think of is their life they once had is gone forever. My children and I had to move away from their dad, because the city that we lived in didn’t have a job for me there. At first, It was hard for the children to leave their dad behind, because they went everywhere with him. They had to get adjusted to a new town as well as their new school. The only place I could get a job to coincide with their hours was at the school cafeteria. Luckily, my mother worked for the school and helped me get on with them as a dishwasher. Nonetheless, we all made it through but it was real hard on them until they got use to the idea of not having their dad around as much. All children ever want is for their parents to get along with one another. Real life is not always a perfect picture that we imagine, it has its ups and downs.
Thirdly, when parents start fighting over the children is like a tug of war instead of using rope they use their children. They use their children as levers or pawns to go against one another in the divorce. There lives and routines are disrupted by their parents divorce. It is mandatory for the children to go on there visitation with the other parent, so they have to go no matter what the situation is. In my situation, he got the kids two months out of the summer because we lived so far away from him. They couldn’t see their friends for the whole summer, that really hurt my children. You could tell on their faces that they would get depressed when they would have to go for the whole two months. I didn’t have trouble with them until about May. They would start acting up in school, because they knew once school was out, they would have to go with their dad for the summer. Not only was it hard on the kids but me as well. Couples arguing about visitation rights, please remember to put your children first before your own feelings.
All in all, divorce hurts children in so many ways; we can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going on in their little brain. It can throw the child’s entire life into a whirlwind. Their emotions run high; they think everything around them is falling apart and there’s nothing they can do about it. All they see is their family broken apart. Parent’s always fighting about the littlest things. Whatever is running through their minds is going so fast they really can’t take control of the situation. However, they don’t know how they will feel once the divorce is final. How are they going to survive if only one parent is supporting them? The family they once knew and loved, will no longer be. Parents with children living at home needs to come up with a better solution of solving their marital problems instead of bringing everything out in the open. It can therefore be thoroughly justified that divorce does hurt our children.