Daytime Television – Creative Writing Journal Informal Essay
Ah, home after a long three hour and ten minute day at school. Now it is time to relax. I sit down at the computer to check my mail and delete the spam that AOL never catches. Then I keep current on my little eBay “business” to see what is happening. After a disappointing run-in with that, I wonder what I can do next. “Hmm…,” I think to myself. “Why don’t I watch the
television for awhile?” So, I go flip on the TV and sit down on the couch. I find the local channels flooded with the most enriching and entertaining programs. Why there are all sorts of things that I can see.
First up, there are many infomercials on air. These are quite informative. Just the other day, I learned about how I can start selling novelties for large profits because I am able to buy them at wholesale. Not to mention that if the guy who played Richard’s dad on Happy Days says it is good, well I suppose it has to work, because that guy is rich. So, is the one person in Florida who makes five million dollars a year through mail-order business and the policeman who started with just fifty dollars in his pocket. I mean, this sure saved him from delivering mail or something and having to walk fifteen miles through the snow on his route uphill both ways.
After this, there is a wonderful history lesson on foot orthotics and supports. The lesson slowly evolves into selling a product, as all infomercials do. It shows that if you stand up straight with your feet together and your arms bent in front of you at 90 degree angles with your hands together and someone pushes down on your hands, you will most likely stand on your tiptoes. But, if buy their product and someone pushes down on your hands while if you stand up straight with your feet together and your arms bent in front of you at 90 degree angles with your hands together, you will stand with your feet firmly on the ground. This simple parlor trick is available to viewer starting at only $49.99.
And who can resist Tony Little’s Gazelle Elite? With Tony screaming for thirty minutes and assistants named Lisa, Lisa, and Dave, no one can. Nor can you not watch Chuck Norris challenge people at the local gym to try out the Total Gym. Best of all they can isolate their muscles on this machine. And for only $300 plus shipping and handling, I can look like Chuck Norris, or I can try the Gazelle Freestyle in my home risk free for thirty days for $14.95. I am guaranteed to love it.
I think the subliminal messages are best said when the food commercials come on before the exercising commercials. For example, the Ultimate chopper can convert to the Ultimate blender and it makes the ultimate meals for the ultimate price. It makes the ultimate gift for the ultimate neighbor, friend, relative, guy on the street…. They tell you to buy three but one will ultimately suffice. It never breaks down, never wears out, and is guaranteed for life. And for all the viewers in Utah, buy one for each wife. Buy them left, buy them right, use it day and night but put lid on tight so it doesn’t take flight, the Ultimate Chopper is out of sight. With three ultimate payments of $39.99, it is the ultimate aid for the ultimate dine.
The infomercials on FOX are a cry of relief from the soap operas on ABC, NBC and CBS. It does always seem that As the World Turns, the Days of Our Lives fade into the Passions of our desires. Although the Young and Restless second-rate actors and actresses could probably use a Guiding Light to get to the General Hospital for mental health, their Bold and Beautiful mindsets scream that they only have One Life to Live. Personally, I would not want All My Children watching any of these never-ending dramas. However, there is something to be said about these shows; their influential and addictive. Their target audience is women, but even men get caught up in the crap. They have inspired ideas for other shows as well. F?R?I?E?N?D?S, a situation-comedy, has a character, Joey (Matt LeBlanc), whose character played on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoré. The show portrayed Joey as a not-so-great actor who eventually was killed off of Days of Our Lives for blabbing that he wrote his own lines. And during an interview with a soap opera reporter on the show, when asked what his favorite soap was, Joey replied, “I never watch that crap, I have a life.” Such poetry was said in those few words. Amazing how a show on NBC can attack another show on NBC. One can only assume that there is a good reason for this.
In conclusion, one word: Maury, self-explanatory. Daytime television has progressed from mindless drivel to pointless crap. Its main purpose is to serve as filler between the News at Noon and the News at Five for the News Channels. It is the anchor’s lunch break and prep time. It is what they put on to keep your interest. While they get ready to inform you about local and world events, they give you insight into the events of a messed-up imaginary world that could convince a mental patient on suicide watch that real life is not all that bad, or they try to sell you something. By the way, these programs “do not necessarily reflect the views of the station or its affiliates.” They do not necessarily reflect my views either. So here is a bit of advice: From 12 to 4 PM, your time is better spent to go outside, read a book, get a job, play a game, watch cable or satellite television, stay in school, or anything else other than watching local TV. Do yourself a favor and do not kill brain cells that could live a longer, happier life helping you reason and think and not drool while you sit in your recliner staring at what looks like TV, but is actually not; it is just filler, like the twelve song album of a one-hit-wonder.